


Selfish Qualities

by autumnsnows



Series: Fragments [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Apocalypse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Other, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnsnows/pseuds/autumnsnows
Summary: A letter to Hades, to be found only after the Sundering.
Relationships: Azem/Emet-Selch (Final Fantasy XIV)
Series: Fragments [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019727
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	Selfish Qualities

If you are reading this, I will assume three things:

  1. You have survived.
  2. I have not. Not in a way that matters.
  3. I succeeded.  
  




Our world falls around us even as I write this, my ink dried by the flames that consume our shared bed. Where I should see our gleaming skyline through our window, there are only the husks of our work. Our skeletons of steel - hollow vessels for carrying the dead.  
  


Hopefully the noise has ceased for you. This terrible noise. Even now it consumes my every thought, my every feeling; I’m quite sure that even if you were to call me right now, I would not hear you. Not that I suspect I’ll hear you again, regardless. Though if there’s one thing I’ve learned in our life together, it’s that there is much we’ve yet to understand.  
  
To ask forgiveness for my deceit seems trite; after all, none of what any of us has done on this star deserves to be forgiven. We played as gods, even made them ourselves, our ignorance of no concern. Our self-made gods drank of our blood. We finally know what it’s like to be denied our whims.  
  
We had run the calculations. Examined even the most absurd means by which our crisis may yet be averted. The answer was the same every time. But we’d had our minds made up for us already, hadn’t we? I’m sure you feel it keenly. The tug of their will inside your head, your actions shaped by how your vessel may best be used in service of Them. 

...I grant Them title in my mind. We were such fools. It was only by chance that I missed much of the first exposure to their will - my mind is not yet clouded enough to even entertain the thought of casting lots between gods. It’s what made the deceit so easy, even to one as meticulous as yourself. Zodiark had already clouded your eyes, much as His will plays at the corners of my vision as I write.

There were to be no winners. We’d made our destruction all but inevitable. I made sure at least some of us had a chance to atone for what we’ve done.

  
I’m sorry, Hades. 

I’m sorry I took your choice away. I’m sorry I took all of your choices away. That’s something I don’t ever want forgiven, even should I somehow survive this.  
  


...It’s funny, really. That such cruelty brought out in the other what we expected of ourselves. You, reckless, hoping a prayer might be answered; me, calm, knowing that answer wouldn’t come. I’m sure were we in more fair circumstances, your reason would have shone, bright as always; it always did. 

(Go ahead, deny it. Get indignant with me for feeding your ego. You always do.)

Alas, these are not quite fair circumstances, are they, darling? Indeed, one might think it a prank by our dearest friend Hythlodaeus were their consequences not so dire. Even he wouldn’t have stacked the deck against us this brazenly; we’d accuse him of losing what little subtlety his schemes maintained and it’d wound his pride like no other. 

But I digress; I do believe I just heard the floor collapse behind me.

  
I love you, Hades. That’s really the only important thing to take from this letter. I can only hope I get to say it to you once again, someday.

  
...Hah! There I go getting all hopeful again. Remarkable, isn’t it, how hope flies in the face of everything we know to be true.

Hades.

_Hades._

  
  
Gods, even writing your name feels like I've inscribed a fundamental truth unto the star.

I am wholly convinced that my soul wrested itself from an eternity in the Lifestream solely to meet yours. Our love ordained far before any tongue could give it a name.

  
  
(I know you weren’t always one to embrace such sentimentality, but I appreciate the efforts you made to entertain my foolish, meaningless ceremony.)

  
  
You make me complete, Hades. You are every piece I’m missing. And if there’s even a chance I would never feel that complete again, I would rather be consigned to oblivion. And here we are.  
  


...I can feel your presence. Surprising. Unfortunate.

I'll have to be brief.

Forgive my selfish qualities, Hades.

We may have lost it all,  
  
but we may yet be saved.   
  


~Azem.

**Author's Note:**

> An exploration of the headcanon that Azem sacrificed themselves to save the rest of the Unsundered, letting themselves be sundered in the process. I like wounding my heart for no good reason.


End file.
